What to Say (and What Not to Say) When a Student Discloses Abuse or Trauma
A trauma-informed guide for teachers, school counselors, and heart-led educators
By Sarah Marie Collective
“I didn’t know what to say... so I froze.”
If you’ve ever had a student open up to you — whether through a whisper, a scribbled note, or a sudden emotional outburst — you know the weight of those moments. They feel fragile, sacred… and sometimes overwhelming.
As educators, we are often told we’re mandated reporters — but not always taught how to be emotionally safe responders.
This post is for those of you who care deeply, who want to do it right, and who sometimes carry the burden of “I don’t want to say the wrong thing.”
🛑 First: What Not to Say
In trauma-informed spaces, language matters more than we think. Even well-meaning phrases can shut a student down or reinforce shame.
Here are a few phrases to avoid when a student shares something hard:
“Why didn’t you tell someone sooner?”
“Are you sure that really happened?”
“Let’s just keep this between us, okay?”
“You need to calm down.”
These responses — while often unintentional — can make a student feel doubted, blamed, or silenced. And for a child already carrying fear or confusion, that moment can be retraumatizing.
✅ What to Say Instead (Supportive, Grounded, and Safe)
Try grounding phrases like:
“Thank you for trusting me. I believe you.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“You’re not alone. I’m here with you.”
“My job is to help keep you safe. I’ll take the next steps.”
These statements offer safety, validation, and presence — and remind the student that their pain will be met with care, not judgment.
🛡️ What Happens Next: Mandated Reporting With Confidence
If you suspect abuse, neglect, or trafficking, you are legally required to report — but you are not expected to investigate, interrogate, or fix.
Here’s what to do:
Stay grounded. Regulate yourself first.
Inform your school administrator.
Call CPS or law enforcement (you don’t need proof — just reasonable suspicion).
Complete a written report (SCAR) within 36 hours.
Document what was said or observed in neutral, non-judgmental language.
And always: protect the student’s dignity, not just their safety.
🌿 A Resource to Help:
The Mandated Reporting & Trauma-Informed Toolkit for Teachers
I created this toolkit for moments just like this — the ones no one prepares us for, but we’re trusted to hold.
This printable bundle includes:
✅ A Mandated Reporting Cheat Sheet (CANRA-compliant)
✅ Signs of Abuse, Neglect, and Trafficking Quick Guide
✅ A What to Say / Not Say Communication Guide
✅ A Trauma Response Quick Guide (Fight/Flight/Freeze/Fawn)
Whether you’re a classroom teacher, counselor, or administrator, this toolkit is designed to help you feel supported, not scrambled — prepared, not panicked.
🟣 Click here to download the toolkit now »
💬 Final Thoughts
You don’t have to be perfect.
You just have to be present.
And when you speak from a regulated nervous system, when you offer safety instead of fear — you create a moment of healing that can last a lifetime.
You’re doing sacred work. Let’s keep doing it with heart.
With you always,
Sarah Marie Collective
For trauma-informed teachers, space-holders, and protectors of truth.