Self-harm is one of the hardest things to talk about — and one of the most important.
As a school counselor and trauma-informed practitioner, I’ve sat with students who didn’t have the words for what they were feeling — only scars that told the story. I’ve also worked with parents and teachers who cared deeply, but didn’t know how to help.
This post is for all of us.
To bring more understanding, more clarity — and most of all, more compassion — to something that can feel heavy and scary but is ultimately a signal for support, not shame.
🧠 What Is Self-Harm, Really?
Self-harm (also called nonsuicidal self-injury, or NSSI) is any deliberate injury a person inflicts on themselves without the intent to die. It’s most common in teens and often used as a way to cope with overwhelming emotions, dissociation, or a need to feel something when everything feels numb.
According to the CDC’s Youth Risk Behavior Survey (2021), around 1 in 5 high school students report having engaged in some form of self-harm.
It’s more common than we think — and it doesn’t always look how we expect.
🚩 Signs a Student Might Be Struggling (According to Mayo Clinic)
Wearing long sleeves even in hot weather
Avoiding activities that expose arms or legs
Frequent “accidents” or unexplained injuries
Withdrawing from friends, teachers, or activities
Expressing feelings of hopelessness, self-hate, or emotional numbness
💬 What NOT to Say When a Student Opens Up
This part matters. When a student shares something like this, their nervous system is on high alert. They're watching our face, our energy, our tone.
Here are a few trauma-informed don’ts:
Don’t panic or overreact — it can reinforce shame
Don’t try to “logic” them out of it (“But you’re so loved!” or “You know better”)
Don’t promise secrecy (especially in schools where safety protocols apply)
Don’t dismiss the act as attention-seeking — it’s connection-seeking.
Instead, try:
“Thank you for trusting me with this. I’m here, and we’ll figure this out together.”
🧰 A Trauma-Informed Approach to Supporting Students
Whether you’re a teacher, counselor, or parent, here’s a grounding framework:
1. Co-regulate first.
Before we try to fix, explain, or teach — we need to become the calm. Breathe with them. Sit in silence. Let their body feel yours is safe.
2. Name what’s happening without judgment.
“I see this is your way of trying to handle some really big emotions.”
3. Offer tangible, non-threatening support tools.
This is where intentional structure can help — and why I created my own.
💡 Why I Created the Student Emotional Safety Kit
I couldn’t find a ready-made resource that combined trauma-informed language, calming tools, and easy-to-understand safety planning for students — so I made one.
My Student Emotional Safety Kit is a printable digital resource that includes:
A gentle safety planning workbook
A creative student calming kit
Intake & referral forms
Printable brochures for teachers and parents
Awareness posters for classrooms or counseling offices
It’s designed to meet students with dignity and empower adults with tools that work in real-time — not just theory.
📌 Click the image to Pin this Emotional Safety Kit on Pinterest or explore the full kit below.
🛒 Available here on Etsy or Teachers Pay Teachers as an instant PDF download.
You can use it today.
💜 Final Thoughts
If you’re reading this, it means you care. You don’t need to have all the right words. You just need to keep showing up with love, clarity, and structure. The rest will follow.
Let’s keep making these conversations easier — and safer — for everyone.
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Written by:
Sarah Marie Collective
Certified School Counselor + Trauma-Informed Resource Creator